Ah, Music Festivals. Music Festivals rule. Did you even KNOW there were that many glow sticks in the world? I bet you did not. $85 dollars a beer! (Worth it if you share with six of your friends.) Body paint—oh, the body paint. Sometimes it’s too true to be good! Music Festivals are like being in a different country. The bathrooms are dirty and your experience hinges on the fortitude of your moral compass. There are rules! There are social norms! There are people who abide by neither of them!
Navigating these magical playgrounds isn’t always easy. Sure, you can take out a second mortgage in order to afford a ticket, but then what? Whether its a week-long music marathon or your friend DJing at a yard sale, here are some pointers to help you navigate your chosen fest:
photo by Helge Mundt
Getting There
When they say, "Join the carpool with your friends and be entered to win cool prizes!" what they really mean is "Parking will be a bitch, so please bring as few cars as possible. (We're begging you.)"
Understanding The Cost
"That will be $5.50" means "We have a monopoly on bottled water."
"Cash Only" means "The government will never know you ate a $14 taco."
photo by Pooneh Ghana
Line Etiquette
"I'm just looking for my friend" means "I'm cutting this line."
photo by Tabea Mathern
Crowd Etiquette
Short People Take Note: Tall people can’t help their tallness.
Tall People Take Note: I apologize for sighing loudly in between songs.
What To Do If A Stranger Asks You To Take A Picture Of Them And Their Friends
01. Graciously accept.
02. Take phone.
03. Make sure subjects are facing the sun, and not away from it.
04. Make sure everyone is in the frame.
05. Assuming this is an iPhone, click the mirror button that flips the camera around and focus it on your face.
06. Take selfie.
07. Return phone.
photo by Pooneh Ghana
Download The App
Navigating any festival is infinitely easier when you use the sponsored Festival App™. Always remember: The only way to be sure of what’s happening right in front of you is to read about it on your mobile device.
Festival Slang
"YOLO" = “You Only Live Once” also known as "I will regret this later"
"Twerk" = "You will regret this later"
"Rolling" = "We will regret this later"
"Molly" = The author of this piece!
photo by Ebru Yildiz
PSA
"Rain or Shine" means "Stay home if it rains."
Advice
"Turn off your cellphone" means "Haha! Ha! Of course you won't."
photo by Ebru Yildiz
Making The Most Of Your Time
"Can you take a picture of us?" is commonly referred to as "We're taking a moment out of our spontaneous fun to document our spontaneous fun so that we can brag to (and later prove to) our friends that we are capable of having (and did in fact have) spontaneous fun. YOLO [sic]."
photo by Helge Mundt
Planning For Next Year
Remember to bring sunscreen. Remember to drink water. Be nice to people. Oh, and please carpool. (We weren’t kidding about the parking.)